"Akio Ohtori - RIP Oppo" (akioohtori)
08/02/2018 at 12:37 • Filed to: shop quest, TQ HQ
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"Akio Ohtori - RIP Oppo" (akioohtori)
08/02/2018 at 12:37 • Filed to: shop quest, TQ HQ | 1
| 11 |
If the Crack House had my poor realtor on edge, I think she is going to stop returning my phone calls after these next two. Welcome everyone to the next round of: Akio tries to buy things and it all goes wrong!
!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!
When we last left the action, my shop quest was in amazing shape! We’d looked at two properties and both looked like viable options!
Things did not go well.
In fact, things went so poorly I couldn’t bring myself to write about them or even look for another shop for all of July.
First world problems yes, but this really shouldn’t be this hard.
This is what happened
The “Perfect House” went pending two days after I’d looked at it, which was fine. While I would have settled with that one, it was too nice for what I was looking for.
What I really wanted is Option A, the Crack House. The house was rough but the shop was big and the price was adequate. So, with that, I decided to make an offer.
First step was to secure financing. We knew the house had issues and the owner and his familiy had enough issues of their own and were therefore unable or unwilling to repair the house. Fine. As-is sale.
I got a pre-approval for an as-is sale with the conditions that the house doesn’t have any structural, safety, or sanitary issues. Fine. No problem, right? They would have mentioned that before the showing... right? Plus people live there.
Nah... it had all three.
Apparently when they said “the floors need to be replaced” that didn’t mean it needs new carpet. They meant there are literally holes in the floor that lead into the crawlspace.
Apparently when they said “the septic needs work” they meant all the lat lines need replaced and probably the tank too.
Apparently when they said “needs some electrical work” they meant there is literally exposed wiring through the house.
PEOPLE LIVE THERE.
Sigh.
AC just needs charged
Moving on...
Running away from that like the dumpster fire it clearly was, I decided to devote my time to other inadvisable pursuits like building a 2-stroke bicycle.
Today, however, two new opportunities popped up and I thought I would share.
The first is a 2 bed, 1 bath 1000 sqft house on 0.25 acres with a medium sized shop (about 30x30) already built.
Red flag #1: There are no pictures on the listing, though it is a new listing.
Red flag #2: The Shop is built around a shed...?
Red flag #3: This thing is in... a less desirable part of town. But hey the house already has bars on the windows so...
Upside #1: Already has a shop
Upside #2: It is so cheap I can pay with cash. This property is listed for $30k. That is not a typo.
Hooray?
Option two is even more of a shitmess
It is a 1 acre plot of land with two houses and a large shop. The houses are, apparently, complete write-offs and will need to be torn down.
Apparently this shop is OK and looks large.
The area is also not desirable, but I worked in the area for several years and it is fine... I mean... in the two years I worked across the street I only saw one two major armed standoffs with police.
Ok so this one is more of a curiosity than anything else. Plus who hasn’t wanted to own a murder shack!?
Path forward?
They’re both worth a drive-by, if you’ll pardon the expression, but I doubt either is going to tickle my fancy.
I like the idea of something I can hit the ground running, but a 30x30 shop isn’t a great size and I don’t see this area ever being desirable.
Back to the listings!
...
Update: Drove by both
Option 1 looks fine. Neighborhood is poor and black (is that OK to say?), but fine. Not great, but fine. Shop probably too small. This one is a wait and see what the pictures look like. They were in the process of gutting it when I drove by.
Option 2 is a no go. As bad as the houses look, the shop looks just as bad, as does the neighborhood. If it were out in the middle of nowhere it would be a fun adventure (can you say “best haunted house ever?”) but given it is in the middle of a bad neighborhood it is a hard pass.
Nom De Plume
> Akio Ohtori - RIP Oppo
08/02/2018 at 12:58 |
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On the face of it I like option 2 if it comes with an agreement from the city concerning stages of demolition and, most importantly, oversight into this section of property liability by an upright tax paying business (ie source of income they can drain which current owner has defaulted on) . In other words run because this will end up costing many times more than you would ever consider spending.
If by some freak chance you can avoid the ginormous charge for eco-sensitive removal that full acre would be highly appreciated and a worthwhile investment.
Spridget
> Akio Ohtori - RIP Oppo
08/02/2018 at 13:01 |
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Green flag for house #1: dude appears to have a Cutlass in the driveway.
LOREM IPSUM
> Akio Ohtori - RIP Oppo
08/02/2018 at 13:17 |
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Back in 2010 we were looking for a house to rent. Found one in our price range, went to view it and the place was completely trashed. Every wall had holes in them, every door in the place had been kicked in, there were blood splatters on every surface (including every ceiling) from the junkies spraying bloody herion everywhere.
Obviously the place was not even close to move in ready, but the new owners of the place seemed super nice and said they’d have it all together by the first of the following month. The price was right at $1250/mo for a 3 bedroom ranch with a 2 car detached garage (of sorts, new but hadn’t been completed so no doors or siding on it) on a corner lot, a block from the mall. We agreed, left a deposit, signed some papers, and gave our current landlord at the time notice we were moving out.
Fast forward to the 31st or so. We go to the house and though they had done some work, like repairing the windows, the place was still completely and utterly fubar’d as previously mentioned. Landlord says he needs another month or two and wants to return our deposit. At that point we had nowhere else to go and had to be out of the place we had been in, so I told the landlord I’d DIY it all if he paid for materials. He reluctantly agreed, and we moved in. To what we later learned was basically an active crack shack.
For the next YEAR I was constantly chasing crackheads out of my yard. Getting door knocks 24/7 and having to tell them to f-off. Having them repeatedly walk straight in the back door, look around, and say shit like “wow, it looks way different in here.” and politely telling the gangsters looking to be the houses new supplier that it ain’t like that here no more, but thanks anyway.
Eventually, I made 2 large signs on full sheets of plywood and put one in the front yard and another on the side. Both signs read: NO TRESSPASSING. THIS IS NO LONGER A CRACK HOUSE.
Passers-by got a kick out of them. The cops too, for that matter.
Left them up for a year before pulling them, but they worked. Though afterwards every once in a while someone would get out of jail or something, thus missing the memo, and show up looking to score, but off they’d go, empty handed.
Sadly, our landlord was murdered by some local piece of shit. Abolute tragedy as he was a really great person. We moved out not long afterwards.
https://www.macleans.ca/society/the-end-khammone-kham-phommavong-1950-2011/
RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht
> LOREM IPSUM
08/02/2018 at 13:26 |
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...wow. Me reading like.
For Sweden
> Akio Ohtori - RIP Oppo
08/02/2018 at 13:28 |
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The only reason not to have a meth lab is because you’re a lame square that tucks t-shirts into jeans.
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RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht
> Akio Ohtori - RIP Oppo
08/02/2018 at 13:29 |
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I’ve known carpenters (mind you, carpenters, not general contractors or architects as such) who would be capable of doing things like that add-on-to-shed madness. “I don’t want to get rid of the shed and I already have one wall for my new space if I keep it...” Nutty, but probably reasonably sound. The rest of the setup ought to be good, if it was owned by a carpenter capable of that fit (not feat) of engineering. Probably kept up, just nuttier than squirrel shit in the details.
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Akio Ohtori - RIP Oppo
> Nom De Plume
08/02/2018 at 13:44 |
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Updated, but the neighborhood for option 2 made it a no go. Too sketch even for my standards.
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LOREM IPSUM
> LOREM IPSUM
08/02/2018 at 13:47 |
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*TRESPASSING
(Typo. The sign was spelled correctly, fwiw)
Eric @ opposite-lock.com
> Akio Ohtori - RIP Oppo
08/02/2018 at 13:55 |
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This cheap housing is crazy . I could buy an entire block for the down payment I put on my house... I’d consider some of those if I had the money left over to build a proper bunker of a house, complete with like a garage door that doubles as a blast door and a serious air filtration system.
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Akio Ohtori - RIP Oppo
> Eric @ opposite-lock.com
08/02/2018 at 13:59 |
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North Tulsa life, I guess. Back when I worked in the area you’d see houses listed for $5k-$10k with some regularity. But yeah. Even better this one is listed for $30k, but sold 9 months ago for $18k... so presumably there is a fair amount of wiggle in that price.
Probably not worth messing with, but yeah, you can’t argue about the price.
SilentButNotReallyDeadly...killed by G/O Media
> Akio Ohtori - RIP Oppo
08/02/2018 at 18:37 |
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Blimey...your efforts make our efforts seem trivial.
Especially since we have just bought something: 100 acres 20% cleared , 8 km from town, post and beam 3 bedroom house with mud brick infill walls, two sheds with room for more and an unknown number of project cars, trucks and agricultural equipment that may be left behind by the current owner...we are mostly happy!!